New York spirit in life, at work and in entrepreneurship

What is it like to live and work in New York City, a highly demanding and dynamic environment? What characteristics are vital to survive in a competitive metropolitan city that praises individualism and grit? Can a certain New York spirit be transmuted to the Finnish life style and work ethics?

A few weeks ago these were some of the things I talked about to a group of mothers in Helsinki. I got a chance to talk a bit about Funky Monkey Club but mostly the main focus was on my 16 years of living and working in New York City and how that experience has affected my approach to life and work today. I presented my speech in English.

Turned out there were mostly women who had had their own experience abroad so we had some really fun and fruitful conversations about culture clashes. I revealed what my version of New York spirit is and how I have carried it with me to the Finnish mindset. Here’s some food for thought.

 

New York spirit and it's four elements

I don’t think I would be a business owner and a kids’ music teacher today if I hadn’t had a certain eventful, long journey in the Gotham City. Now looking back and connecting the dots I conclude that there are four aspects that I have found crucial in surviving in NYC. Without these elements I wouldn’t be where I am now. These elements are a part of my essence today.

They are:

• The art of positive feedback – both giving and receiving

• Individualism and uniqueness

• Proficiency in small talk

• Being comfortable in uncertainty

The uplifting power of positive feedback

The fact that I got so much positive feedback in New York changed me from a shy nervous nelly into a confident, happy and motivated woman who wanted to achieve big things by working hard. I realized this during my first year at the New School University jazz program when after a horrendous, flaw finding voice teacher that I had had in Finland there was now suddenly an American, encouraging, positive, up-beat teacher who praised me from top to bottom. Surely she would point out things that I should do better but the overall sense of everything that was going on in the classroom was positive: I heard I was talented, I heard I was an A+ student, I worked hard and became better and better every week. With that I finally grew to believe that I am actually a pretty good singer. I hadn’t thought like that in Finland at all. During all my study years at the New School I would get similar feedback from all my music teachers, and this tendency continued in my professional life.

Praising people for what is done well is far more powerful than what was
not done well.

As I have been given these tremendous gifts of positive feedback, I am striving to follow that same example with people around me; I praise kids at Funky Monkey Club classes, I praise my voice students, my family, my customers, the people I work with, etc. I want to uplift people, and focus on their positive traits, rather than finding the flaws first. And I am being genuine, otherwise it won’t work. Praising people for what is done well is far more powerful than what was not done well.

The benefits are enormous. When you give someone a compliment their performance improves, they become more motivated, they gain confidence and develop new skills and understanding. I encourage everyone to start giving positive feedback as a daily routine. You spread love around you – it makes you and the receiver happy. It’s a win-win situation.

Receiving positive feedback is worth mentioning as well. How many times have we downplayed our performance when someone gives us a compliment? Don’t return the gift to the person who is showing you kindness. Instead say thank you. Thank the person who gave you a gift and at least try to feel good about it. It gets easier the more you do it. And it boosts your confidence. Trust me 

Let's admit we are all unique

I was a singer, umpteenth in a dozen in NYC, and if I wanted to be unique I had to create a fresh angle to my singing. I ended up performing in a Finnish world music ensemble for many years and over these years we created a little buzz in the local world music scene. We got some wonderful concert opportunities and visibility in media. Our Finnish angle was unique and we took advantage of it.

In the American individualistic culture people are encouraged to express themselves in unique ways. Children are taught to express opinions aloud from very early age. Independence, creativity and innovation are valued highly. I wanted to take this idea of uniqueness to my business. It is our way to stand out. I drew inspiration from my NYC kids’ music class work experience, I molded it to fit into the Finnish culture and used my creativity to reflect what I know best.

Let yourself shine, and others too!

In Finland we are born with a concept of modesty and blending in with the rest. I would like to challenge that idea and encourage everyone to acknowledge that all of us have a unique personality and life experience that can be seen as strength. Let yourself shine, and others too!

Does small talk work in Finland?

This topic created some giggling chats at the MiB event. As many of the participants had lived abroad they knew how awkward can some social interactions be between strangers in Finland. My point was that we should still be talking to people we don’t personally know; for example to other mothers as we relate to each other. One participant mentioned she had tried to talk to another mom in the children’s playground and that mother had escaped the situation as soon as the first words had been uttered. Chatting to strangers makes us feel uncomfortable.

Small talk is a way to create a personal bond.

When living in NYC for years, and working in the hospitality business where your small talk proficiency is measured by the tips you get, I had to quickly learn the art of small talk. And I learned to love it! But in Finland I am constantly faced with challenges. I might start rambling aloud at the gas station counter about whether I should buy a chocolate bar or try to stay on a diet. The counter clerk would have a blank stare and think “why is this odd lady talking to me?”. I find these encounters rather amusing.

However, I’ve found a place where I can still freely practice my small talk skills, and that’s at my business environment. My customers are mostly mothers (and their kids) and I enjoy opening casual conversations with them about motherhood ups and downs. Naturally I relate to their world as I am a mother to a toddler as well. Small talk is a way to create a personal bond. Small talk is often considered as superficial and trivial but it can work as a gateway to something more meaningful. I have found out that through authentic small talk I can win the trust and respect of my clients.

Being comfortable in uncertainty

New York City is a vibrant, stimulating place to live but it can cause a lot of stress and anxiety too. I was mostly a freelancer and had many jobs at the same time. I was never certain if my next pay would be secured. My private piano/voice students might suddenly cancel, other music classes might not sell well and the school would cut my work, the fire on subway tracks could prevent me from commuting and I would lose my shift, not to mention things like 9/11 or bed bugs evading my apartment. I experienced lots of unwanted “excitement” during my time in the city.

At the same time it built my character. After hardships and obstacles I would always find my way out and up again – surely after some serious kicking, sobbing and raging first, but still. When I started the Funky Monkey Club in Finland I knew that taking a risk as a business owner would be tough but I would never feel equally consumed like I felt in my previous home country. I had learned to like the uncertainty and the risk because there was always a possibility for new opportunities. This approach has helped me with my entrepreneurship.

Summa summarum

At first I had thought I would leave my mark in New York City, but seems like it was more the other way around: New York City left a mark in me. I would not have thrown myself into this roller-coaster of entrepreneurship if I hadn’t had the valuable lessons in positive feedback, individualism, small talk and dealing with uncertainty.

I hope I have left you inspired and/or contemplative about my version of New York spirit. Please, do share your thoughts in the comment field if your spirit moves you 

Author: Paula Anttila

Paula Anttila is a singer, musician, music teacher and one of the founders of Funky Monkey Club, kids music class program for babies, toddlers and pre-schoolers. Paula lived and worked in New York City for 16 years. The last five years there she worked at a popular kids music program. The Funky Monkey Club’s music class concept draws inspiration from her NYC experience.

Web: https://funkymonkeyclub.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/paula-anttila-a322aa2a/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FMCmuskari/

(The text has been published in English, because Paula’s event in April in Helsinki was held in English.)

Family time management – is it possible to be both career focused and a devoted parent?

On Tuesday 21 March, a group of MiB members and Hanken School of Economics alumni gathered at Hanken in order to dig deeper into the topic of family time management. Research Professor Anna Rotkirch from Väestöliitto, HR Business Partner Anne Lawson from KPMG and Project Leader Charlotta Niemistö from Hanken took part in a panel discussion and shared their thoughts on the topic. In the end of the event, the listeners joined the discussion with questions and comments.

What is good family time management?

Anna opened up the discussion by saying that as parents, we are aware of that time spent with our children will affect them and their development. At the same time, it is dangerous to believe that one is a super parent and should do everything oneself. Time is a scarce resource and we need to accept this. To use external help, be it from friends and family or by using external services, can be a way to free some time.

At the same time, it is dangerous to believe that one is a super parent and should do everything oneself.

A fair divide up of domestic tasks among the parents is also one step in the direction of good family time management. Anna said that research has shown that women start taking on a bigger part of the household work after the family grows with a child. In the same situation men, on the other hand, tend to spend longer hours at work and sleep less. Expect the impacts this can have on the relationship between the parents and between the parents and the child, it might also have financial implications. This can become quite evident, for example, if the woman has stayed home many years with minimal earnings and there is then a divorce.

A fair divide up of domestic tasks among the parents is also one step in the direction of good family time management.

Anne commented that flexibility is also an important factor for good family time management. If one parent at some point need some time off (due to travelling, hobbies, work…) the other parent needs to be ready to step in and hold the fort.

The digitalization is something that can both simplify and complicate our time use. Can the time we spend online be categorized a well spent? Anna pointed to the fact that we like being able to do all kinds of things at any possible time when we are online but at the same time, we have problems with the expectation to be reachable 24/7.

 

How can I improve my family's time management?

What can oneself do in order to get a more balanced family life and simplify one’s time management? Many practical tips were mentioned during the event, among others:

• Don’t be afraid to ask for help. If possible, let grandparents and relatives help you and/or make use of nannies, cleaning services etc.

• Pick your fights and prioritize things that feel especially important for you

• There is nothing saying that having only one child is too little. A single child will not get “destroyed” by the lack of siblings

• If possible, let there be a longer space between the siblings. Having two children under the age of three is quite tough

• Prioritize physical movement/exercise, it can help you to recharge your energy levels

• Refrain from doing a lot of “extra things” that don’t really bring you anything. It can be nice to do thing as goodwill or a favor but remember that you are no superwoman

• Don’t put your relationship and sex life on hold. Even though life can be hectic with small children, it is important not to forget your partner and your role as spouse

• Leave work behind you when you come home. This also sets an example for your children

• Try the 15 minutes technique: spend 15 minutes with your child/partner/parent without commenting, judging or giving them advice

• It is not compulsory to arrange a lot of hobbies for your child. You can make use of rules like “no hobbies that the child cannot walk to himself/herself”, “no hobby before the child can ask for it herself/himself” or “one hobby per child”

 

The role of employers and the society

As parents, we are not the only ones that can affect our time management. Attitudes of and services offered by employers and the society can also play a role.

There are big differences in how family friendly companies are.

Some companies go a long way in order to help their employees balance work and family life, while others hardly fulfil the requirements set out by law.

As examples of what kind of support companies can provide, Anne mentioned that KPMG offers a babysitting service if an employee’s child get ill and provide the possibility to work part time when the children are small.

Reachability and separating work life and spare time is a difficult equation for many. Charlotta has done research on this topic and commented on how easily professionals work overtime and make themselves constantly available for their employers. Anna said that we might try to fool ourselves that we can increase our productivity by working more. This does not correspond to reality. We might, however, get addicted to working much and trying to prove ourselves this way. The same principle also applies for emails: the more emails we send, the more we will get back. The email flood will never cease.

We might try to fool ourselves that we can increase our productivity by working more. This does not correspond to reality.

If one wants to change the culture in a company, it helps to have good role models in leading positions that step up and lead by example. A change of culture should come from the top and drill down the whole organization.

When it comes to society’s role, we have good basic services like paid parental leave, child support and health care, but there are also other ways of getting support. Family cafes, theme circles, child equipment recycling groups and similar might be arranged by different associations, organizations or congregations. There are also many groups /meeting points online where one can get peer support. We shouldn´t hesitate to make use of services and different forms of support if we think they can be of help for us.

During the event, Väestöliitto’s booklet “ Yhteistä aikaa etsimässä. Lapsiperheiden ajankäyttö 2000-luvulla” (Miettinen, Anneli & Rotkirch, Anna. 2012) circulated among the participants

The writer Charlotte Patola is active in MiB Helsinki and works as a study coordinator at Hanken School of Economics