One kid is hanging from your leg, the dog is barking at passers-by in the window, the background of your Zoom meeting is not working and now your spouse can be seen running half-dressed to prevent the smallest of the family from taking the knife forgotten on the kitchen table.
At the end of the Zoom marathon, you find yourself dreaming of an alien abducting you to outer space, but instead the commanding ring of your phone brings you back to reality - it’s your mother calling and asking if you have remembered to freeze the berries she gave you. Sound familiar? Most of us know all too well why reconciling work and family life is so tricky.
The burdens of parenting
Parents experience guilt in many different ways - and often in vain. It’s your own expectations towards yourself that can be unreasonable. Our own beliefs, thoughts, and interpretations are often tinted with a negative bias and may not be based on reality, even if they seem real to us. People are not machines and sometimes our coping skills are put to the test.
Even inspiring work can be stressful
It’s important to realize that an inspiring and challenging job causes stress at the same time. Enthusiasm also consumes energy. Of course, if given the choice, it’s nicer to stay awake at night thinking about new inspiring ideas rather than worrying about what happened during the day. That being said, if you have trouble falling asleep soon after going to bed, or if you wake up in the early morning hours to ruminate, it’s time to find ways to fix the situation.
Life outside of work and family - does it exist?
You want to be a good spouse, a nice friend and help your aging parents. And yes - we do have many responsibilities outside work, driving your kids to their hobbies and upcoming the bake sale. Friends (those lovely people whose numbers can be found on your phone, remember?) as well as relatives who can be nerve-wrecking at times but are still priceless. If everyday life seems like just rushing from one thing to another, the end result can be a roller coaster of emotions and feeling inadequate about everything. If the last time you called your loved ones was weeks ago, pausing to take a careful look at your time management is probably needed.
What can an employer do?
1. Offer flexible working hours
This is what employees ask for the most. When it comes to expert work, isn’t it already a funny idea that our brains should always work best at a certain time of day, at a given place? In the services sector such as a restaurant or production line, flexibility can mean the ability to change shifts, have a say regarding your shifts, or the possibility to reduce working hours. Flexibility in both directions, regardless of the content of the work and the workplace, brings optimal results.
2. Consider your employee as a whole person
There’s no such thing as a work self separate from a home self, every employee is a whole person who has a life outside of working hours. It’s hard for anyone to be at their best at work, if your mind is constantly occupied with the challenges of your family life.
3. Provide low-threshold support
Good leadership is the cornerstone of everything. However, it is worth keeping in mind that your boss is not your therapist. If problems pile up, it’s a good idea to discuss the situation with an outsider. This also frees up time for the supervisor, and the person needing help receives professional support. Often, psychological support is a more appropriate solution than sick leave. However, the most important thing is that support is offered in the first place - and that it is taken up at a sufficiently early stage.
At the individual level, each of us can take steps towards creating a balanced daily life by accepting our own inadequacies, letting go of comparisons, being kind and compassionate to ourselves, and noticing the good — everything that actually is working well and all the positive things in your life. Auntie provides psychological discussion support for these issues.
Author: Mervi Lamminen
The author is the CEO of Auntie. Auntie provides services to promote a family-friendly working life and offers solutions to reconciling everyday life and work. Auntie provides psychological support and help, whether you are worried about reconciling work and family, sleep or love life.
Source: Kumpi joustaa – työ vai perhe? | Tieto&trendit (stat.fi)
Translated by: Kajsa Ekroos
