I am a mother of a now 1-year-old active daughter and this first year as a parent has brought along a lot of new aspects into our daily life.
By nature I am a preparer. I ensure we are equipped for anything the future might bring. I anticipate, I am ahead of schedule, and I continuously observe my surroundings - to try and avoid any surprises.
Then came along the ‘baby-year’, the first year of our daughter’s life.
And I quickly realised that any attempts to predict anything are simply futile. Although I did read up on all the different aspects related to a baby’s first year, I still wasn’t quite ready for what the future brought along. Every day since the day our baby was born we have been faced with questions and concerns we weren’t prepared for. For example, I was taken aback by how breastfeeding really wasn’t as easy as I had thought. In the beginning we needed the help of supplementary bottle feeding as our baby wasn’t gaining quite enough weight by breastfeeding alone. I also used nipple shields during the first few months. I felt disappointed at first - I wasn’t able to feed my baby completely by myself. But, on the other hand it was lovely how the father could take part in our baby’s feeding too. I am relieved by the realisation that every day is not only a new opportunity to get to know our baby better, but also a chance to find ways that are just right and work for us as a family.
They say that you should live in the moment.
And indeed the ‘baby-year’ has been full of many, all very different moments. Just as you get familiar with the baby’s natural rhythm, it changes again. Then there are all the different developmental phases which all bring changes, one after another. It may be possible to try to prepare for these, but as all babies are so different, you might never know beforehand which of them might affect your own baby, and how. So it may truly be best to live one day and one moment at a time and enjoy every phase just as they are. The one aspect which has brought most changes during our baby’s first year, is sleep. In the very beginning we had to wake our baby for feeds. Then for a while, as her growth settled, we slept long stretches with just one nightly wake-up, and for a little while all through the night. Then came along a phase of frequent nightly wake-ups. During the first year we have bed-shared, co-slept with the baby's crib in our room and currently our daughter sleeps in the crib in her own room. Nowadays, newly-learned skills, any illnesses or just an active day do affect our baby’s sleep, but mostly we sleep fairly well.
"“I have learnt that it really is normal and okay not to know everything and instead, allow myself to just slowly grow into motherhood.”"
Peer-support is vital in any parenting journey, but it can be so easy to compare and set ourselves an overly high bar for our “success” as mothers. If you find that different mother-and-baby-groups bring you only stress and anxiety, it is absolutely fine not to go. In Finland we have a great parental health clinic system, which offers an easily accessible way to chat about any questions or concerns with a professional. Friends, family or even neighbours can also be a great way to seek support and knowledge during the first year. I myself am part of a local WhatsApp group set up for mothers with similar aged children. The group is a great place for anyone to freely ask, wonder and just share the joys of daily life with a baby.
The original text written by Jennika Ritala
Translated into English by Anne Koskinen
Mothers in Business (MiB) is a nationwide network that supports career-oriented mothers in balancing work and family. MiB’s aim is to provide opportunities for skills development, networking and career advancement. Currently, the network has over 4000 members and hundreds of volunteers throughout Finland.
MiB International is a project that aims to develop MiB’s modes of operation to meet the needs of international career-oriented mothers living in Finland and to engage in societal advocacy towards a more inclusive and equal Finnish working life.
